Life of a boy mom

Some days I'm not the best I can be. Some days I forget to take a moment to get down on the floor and play with my kids Some days I get frustrated easily Some days I lose my patience Some days I just need a moment to myself. Some days I yell Some days messes are too much BUT some days we dance to loud music and let all the sillies out some days I play in the floor for too long and I forget to do my laundry  some days we talk about feelings some days I read too many books. some days we cuddle on the couch and watch movies. some days we create, be it a mess or a masterpiece some days I tickle until they hiccup some days we laugh until our ribs hurt and everyday  I tell my boys I love you   MOTHERHOOD IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.

Was it when they said you were transverse breech? Was it when I heard the doctor ask for the vacuum assist as you were being delivered? Was it when you started projectile vomiting every feed? Was it when you weighed an ounce less at one month than you did at birth? Was it when you had the ultrasound for pyloric stenosis and it was positive? Was it when they took you out of my arms to do surgery on you at 4 weeks old? Was it when the surgeon said "I made a mistake"? Was it when the radiologist said you weren't ready to eat after it had already been 4 days?  Was it when you were discharged, but still vomiting? Was it when I took you for a weight check and they sent you back to the hospital? Was it when they said the words 'failure to thrive'? Was it when you were still losing weight? Was it when you were diagnosed with severe reflux? Was it when you started to gain some grams slowly? Was it when you couldn't climb over the 1st percentile for weight? Was it when ...

I promise to Be here forever. I promise to always try to make it all better I promise to love you whenever, forever I promise to take your hand and make it feel like a holiday I promise to tuck you in at night and chase the monsters away.  I promise To read you stories and sing you lullaby's I promise if you have a bad dream to hold you when you cry.  And when I tell you I'll always be there to love you and protect you you don't have to be scared  I promise to always love you  And you don't need to worry because you'll always know that's true.  I promise if you get lonely I'll take the time to play. I promise to make memories for each and every day.  I promise to be the mom Cindy lauper was singing about.  I love you my sweet boys. Xoxo 

       I chose parenthood. I made a decision to try to have a baby. I'll never forget the moment I saw that second pink line for the first time. I was SO happy. Then the fear set in. I couldn't even think straight. I was going to be responsible for another life. a tiny fragile life. I was going to carry a tiny baby in my belly for months. Then I was expected to birth said baby in a hospital bed. and people were telling me that was the easiest part!? what if I didn't know what to do? what if I messed this whole thing up? what if it all went wrong? How am I going to be a good mom??    I met Xander on a Tuesday, He scared me right away. I remember being open on the table. (all 3 were c section) I heard the doctor say "wheres the baby?" to which my only thought was "he was there when you wheeled me in here!!"  Waiting for him to cry seemed to take forever. I didn't know a thing about him. as they wheeled him off to the nursery all I could think...

I got up this morning, and started on my daily chores. I walked into the bathroom to find that the kid clothes, and kodys work clothes were thrown all over the bathroom floor, and not in the hamper where they belong, there was toothpaste caked on the sink, a wet pull up sitting in the floor.  I rolled my eyes, groaned, cleaned it up, and went downstairs to start the laundry. I came back upstairs to find the pop can kody poured into a cup last night at dinner, and left on the counter for me to pick up. I huffed "am I the ONLY one who knows we have a trash can?!" and threw it away, and loaded the dishwasher. I went to the bedroom to find kodys pajamas thrown on the babys seat (does the man know what a hamper is for!?)  I went to the living room to find toys and snack wrappers on the couch, after I know I asked them to clean it before bed last night. I began to get irritated. Why do I feel like the only one who can clean up after themselves around here? The mor...

  A week after discharge from the hospital, we took Christian back to the Dr, and he was gaining weight, but still spitting up almost every feed. She told me to feed him 1 oz every hour if that's what it took to get him to keep it down. for a week I fed him 1 oz every hour. this meant I got no sleep for an entire week. I was exhausted and trying to keep everything around the house going as my husband worked and my big boys still needed me for everything. 2 weeks after discharge I took Christian in for a weight check and he was back to loosing weight and was extremely dehydrated again, and I was told to take him back to the ER to be evaluated for failure to thrive. Those words "failure to thrive" cut deeper than anything I had ever heard. This time Kody needed to stay with the big boys, and couldn't miss any more work, so I asked my grandma to take me and the baby to the hospital. After an agonizing 6 hours in the ER waiting room at nortons, and then another 4 ho...

  When I gave birth to my 3rd child, I thought for sure he would be the easiest of all.I know what im doing by now, after all. I WAS WRONG Christian is a high needs baby, a high risk baby. but what does that mean? He doesn't sleep? no, he actually only wakes up once during the night to eat, and be changed. He cries a lot? no, he's very friendly. full of smiles most of the time. Christian was born with a birth defect called pyloric stenosis. This means the muscle between his stomach and small intestine was enlarged, and not allowing food to pass through. He spit up almost the entire bottle every single time we fed him, but the first week of his life gained 9 oz, making him 7lb 11 oz.  so we had no clue he was abnormal. At 2 weeks I wasn't able to sleep because each time I fed him he would projectile vomit across the house, I was terrified he would choke on it. I called the pediatrician at 2 weeks and they said this was normal. I broke down in tears talking to tha...

Being the momma of boys is something most people either are really excited for, or terrified of. these are some things you need to prepare for. 1) DRAMA the first thing people say is "boys! less drama" all I can say is WRONG. the biggest difference is that boys don't usually whine and tattle, they throw punches.   they still roll their eyes, and stomp their feet, and slam doors. Just the other day kodys grandma asked xander what he had for lunch, he said "taco bell" she said "oh yeah? was it good?" This kid looked at her and said "yeah, I finally got some real food" facepalm  as if I don't feed him. 2) FOOD while we are on the subject of food; one day they will not eat anything, no matter what you offer or how much you beg. then you turn around and they wont stop eating all day long. The pediatrician says they will eat when they are hungry, he was right. they have yet to starve. 3)  FARTS  I was born laughing at toilet...

In 2020, I am going to write monthly goals. I want to be able to make gradual changes, and stick to them. to be a better mom, wife, and person.                                                Motherhood 1) set a schedule for family bible study. we fall behind in this a lot. we need to plan our study for the month and stick to it every week on a set day. we will do this by utilizing a planner, and the website to write out what we want to study with the kids each week. 2) set time during the day to work with the boys on letters and numbers. they each have different needs when it comes to this, but xander is not ready for KG and benny isn't ready for pre k. we need to be working on the whiteboard and talking about names, and phone numbers in case of em...