Skip to main content

easy motherhood?

       I chose parenthood. I made a decision to try to have a baby. I'll never forget the moment I saw that second pink line for the first time. I was SO happy. Then the fear set in. I couldn't even think straight. I was going to be responsible for another life. a tiny fragile life. I was going to carry a tiny baby in my belly for months. Then I was expected to birth said baby in a hospital bed. and people were telling me that was the easiest part!? what if I didn't know what to do? what if I messed this whole thing up? what if it all went wrong? How am I going to be a good mom??
   I met Xander on a Tuesday, He scared me right away. I remember being open on the table. (all 3 were c section) I heard the doctor say "wheres the baby?" to which my only thought was "he was there when you wheeled me in here!!"
 Waiting for him to cry seemed to take forever. I didn't know a thing about him. as they wheeled him off to the nursery all I could think was that my life now revolved around that sweet baby boy. I would spend the rest of my days on a mission to be sure that he is loved and cared for.
That part came easy, loving him, wanting the best for him. Being his mommy made me the most joyful I have ever been.
  When Benny came along, I was still terrified. How could I love another baby the way I love xander?
Benny taught me that a mothers love doesn't split between two kids, it multiplies and never ends. Benny brought me the longest nights ive ever lived. He breast fed for 2 years. He is my mommas boy. Benny is my wild one. He scares me daily with his antics.
  By the time Christian came along I thought I was a pro. There wasn't a thing this kid could throw at me that I wasn't prepared for. HAHAAHAH yeah right. Christian came unexpectedly into this world.
The day he was born I was sure I would be leaving my doctors office and going home. instead I was sent straight to Labor and Delivery. I hemorrhaged that night and had no clue it was even happening. A month later, I had to send my sweet tiny malnourished boy into surgery at 1:30 a.m. to fix his pylorus. 2 weeks later he was admitted to the hospital for failure to thrive, and diagnosed with severe reflux and milk protein allergy. He is gaining weight now, and is doing well, but we aren't sure he can hear. Christian has taught me to fight for your mom gut, and never let anyone tell you you are over protective.
Parenting has had its ups and downs so far, and I learn something new each and every day. That's why it looks so easy. I'm able to admit that I am learning to parent as they are learning to child. Its okay that we make mistakes. Its ok that they don't act perfect all the time. Its ok to laugh and let laugh. Its ok to find joy in the small things. Its ok to play. IT'S OK TO LEARN WITH THEM. 
When we reach a point that we are not willing to grow, that's where we fail.

is it easy being a mom? NOPE..
is it fun? most of the time.
is it everything I expected it to be? NOPE..
is it worth the stress? YEP.
do I love it? ABSOLUTELY.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

New things

My first baby is going to kindergarten in a week. My sweet innocent baby boy starting his first adventure without me in the midst of a global pandemic.  Next week I will drop him off in front of his school and leave him all alone with his classmates and teachers. Next week I will trust that he is being loved and cared for by a woman I don’t know. Next week I will trust that I will see my sweet smiling boy walk out of his new school with a look of accomplishment and relief as he runs in to my arms at exactly 2:19. The beginning will be tough, he will cry. I will cry. I’ll count the minutes until I can wrap my arms around him again.  He is ready. He loves his Minecraft backpack, lunchbox, water bottle combo.  He talks about the friends he will meet and the things he will play with.  My mind runs constantly trying to remember to do all the things to try to prepare him for the big day. Will he be afraid? He won’t have my hand to hold if he is.  Will he remember to u...
Post a Comment
Read more

You're gonna be fine

Was it when they said you were transverse breech? Was it when I heard the doctor ask for the vacuum assist as you were being delivered? Was it when you started projectile vomiting every feed? Was it when you weighed an ounce less at one month than you did at birth? Was it when you had the ultrasound for pyloric stenosis and it was positive? Was it when they took you out of my arms to do surgery on you at 4 weeks old? Was it when the surgeon said "I made a mistake"? Was it when the radiologist said you weren't ready to eat after it had already been 4 days?  Was it when you were discharged, but still vomiting? Was it when I took you for a weight check and they sent you back to the hospital? Was it when they said the words 'failure to thrive'? Was it when you were still losing weight? Was it when you were diagnosed with severe reflux? Was it when you started to gain some grams slowly? Was it when you couldn't climb over the 1st percentile for weight? Was it when ...
Post a Comment
Read more

3 months of being a mom to a high needs baby pt.1

  When I gave birth to my 3rd child, I thought for sure he would be the easiest of all.I know what im doing by now, after all. I WAS WRONG Christian is a high needs baby, a high risk baby. but what does that mean? He doesn't sleep? no, he actually only wakes up once during the night to eat, and be changed. He cries a lot? no, he's very friendly. full of smiles most of the time. Christian was born with a birth defect called pyloric stenosis. This means the muscle between his stomach and small intestine was enlarged, and not allowing food to pass through. He spit up almost the entire bottle every single time we fed him, but the first week of his life gained 9 oz, making him 7lb 11 oz.  so we had no clue he was abnormal. At 2 weeks I wasn't able to sleep because each time I fed him he would projectile vomit across the house, I was terrified he would choke on it. I called the pediatrician at 2 weeks and they said this was normal. I broke down in tears talking to tha...
Post a Comment
Read more