Life of a boy mom

I watched today as you grew up a little more. I watched you follow directions as your grandad showed you how.  I watched you use your own problem solving skills as you ran to the house and grabbed a sandwich bag to transport water when the hose didn't work.  I watched as you gently placed each plant in their designated hole. I watched as you carefully packed the dirt around each stem.  I saw a gleam of pride in your eyes as you looked down the fresh row of planted vegetables.  I saw your little tounge stick out the side of your mouth as you learned to drive the tractor by yourself.  I watched you brush the dirt off your little hands and knees as you finished your job.  Today I watched as you went from my baby to my little boy in front of my eyes.  Today I saw some of the man you will become shine through the exterior of the little boy I wish you'd stay.  Today a tear slid down my cheek as you were tucked into bed.  You woke up my ...

If I only had you for one more day...  I'd be soaking up every single moment.  Memorizing every feature.  Basking in every smile. Holding every giggle in my heart. I wouldn't be concerned with the mess you made. We'd clean it up together. And I'd smile at you and giggle as you stuck your tounge out when you swept. I'd play silly games and do silly dances and talk about the ways I love you.  I'd spend each moment I could cuddling you and pulling you closer and closer missing each of your fingers and you nose. These are things we do often but not often enough.  Hearing a doctor say "concern for malignancy" scared me. I wanted to drop to the floor and cry. But mostly... I wanted to go home and do those things.  We get to go home and have those days again. And I'm so grateful. I won't take them for granted any more. 

someone told me once that your inner voice is created by those around you in early childhood. this means that how you speak to your child is how they will speak to themselves subconsciously. I know this to be true. think about how you speak to your child, Do you treat them like a burden? do you get irritated when they ask for ANOTHER snack? Do you listen to their stories while tapping your foot impatiently? Do you interrupt them? Think of the last conversation you had with your kiddo. Do you remember what they were telling you? did you look up from your phone? Did they get to finish, or did you get annoyed half way through and say something like "ok, but what are you supposed to be doing right now?" Im not judging. I am guilty of these things sometimes too. But today I am making a promise to try harder to be the inner voice I want them to have. I want my boys to grow up feeling  secure loved wanted needed assured heard important smart validated In order to d...

Some days I'm not the best I can be. Some days I forget to take a moment to get down on the floor and play with my kids Some days I get frustrated easily Some days I lose my patience Some days I just need a moment to myself. Some days I yell Some days messes are too much BUT some days we dance to loud music and let all the sillies out some days I play in the floor for too long and I forget to do my laundry  some days we talk about feelings some days I read too many books. some days we cuddle on the couch and watch movies. some days we create, be it a mess or a masterpiece some days I tickle until they hiccup some days we laugh until our ribs hurt and everyday  I tell my boys I love you   MOTHERHOOD IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.

Was it when they said you were transverse breech? Was it when I heard the doctor ask for the vacuum assist as you were being delivered? Was it when you started projectile vomiting every feed? Was it when you weighed an ounce less at one month than you did at birth? Was it when you had the ultrasound for pyloric stenosis and it was positive? Was it when they took you out of my arms to do surgery on you at 4 weeks old? Was it when the surgeon said "I made a mistake"? Was it when the radiologist said you weren't ready to eat after it had already been 4 days?  Was it when you were discharged, but still vomiting? Was it when I took you for a weight check and they sent you back to the hospital? Was it when they said the words 'failure to thrive'? Was it when you were still losing weight? Was it when you were diagnosed with severe reflux? Was it when you started to gain some grams slowly? Was it when you couldn't climb over the 1st percentile for weight? Was it when ...

I promise to Be here forever. I promise to always try to make it all better I promise to love you whenever, forever I promise to take your hand and make it feel like a holiday I promise to tuck you in at night and chase the monsters away.  I promise To read you stories and sing you lullaby's I promise if you have a bad dream to hold you when you cry.  And when I tell you I'll always be there to love you and protect you you don't have to be scared  I promise to always love you  And you don't need to worry because you'll always know that's true.  I promise if you get lonely I'll take the time to play. I promise to make memories for each and every day.  I promise to be the mom Cindy lauper was singing about.  I love you my sweet boys. Xoxo